alex (moncowmoo) wrote,
alex
moncowmoo

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so lets' talk....

hmm, it's been awhile yet again, so why not update?
well, actually nothing itneresting in my life ever happens oh except for the fact that yesterday i bought some pretty amazing cds. 4 of the cds i bought were 10 cents and under, and the other cd i bought was only 7.99, so pretty much paid like 8 bucks for 5 cds. fucking amaziong.. but other than that,this journal entry is fucking pointless.. so instead i shall use it to complain instead.

yeah, went to crew on monday, and had to stop have way through my second piece, sdue to the throvving pain in my fucking ribs. god damn it. Some times, ok, ALOT of the times, i think that i am not emotinally and mentally ready to handle recovrering from an injury. physically, yeah i could probably handle it, but not emotionally and meantally. it really makes me upset to, ya know? cuz i really enjoy rowing, and i want to row again, and not feel disabled, and every one else wants me to row, cus they know it makes me happy, and the coaches want me top row becuase they need me in the bow of the varsity 8 apparently. ugh whatever. im so fucking stressed. damn this fucking senior term paper.

i want to fucking.. well i dont know actually but i want to like scream so fucking loud, and tell everyone to back off my fucking case. my parenmts yell at me every fucking weekend to go to my fathers, because they think that i won't go, even though i clearly tell them that i will. So what if i go on a saturday, and not friday? god forbid i went on saturday, cuz trhat would mean you wouldnt get to screw around on friday, which you do anyways.

my coaches are all on my case about everything. The term paper, and me getting better, and seeing if i can row. ok i understamnd u want me to do well in school, but leave me the fuck alone, iv'e done pretty good so far on my own so fuck off. what, oh you want me to work out? oh but i can only do this, yeah well.. fuck u, cuz well why not, i hjave nothing better to think about since the work out i am doing is mindnumbing. and i know i shouldnt b complaining becase they really do want to see me get better, but it just stresses me out and ,makes me soo sad all at the same time.

and u know what just fuck....... i am such at a loss for fuxcking words i can not even describe everything that i want to say because not only would it be such a waste of time for typing it down, but it would also make no sense whatsoever. uhgh. mother fucker.

you know what fuck my self too, cuz well, i might as well. i've changed . again. and im not sure to consider it good or bad. and im not talkng a teeny itty bitty change.. i mean its a pretty dramatic change.. i dont know whaen it happened but all of a sudden it did. suddenly everyone thinks i'm a racist... which i don';t blame them, i mean when u fucking say things like "white is right" and fuck those damn porch monkeys", it's kind of hard for some one not to jump to that conclusion. but i';m not a racist, and i should probably stop saying those things. On top opf that everyone thinks i'm an ass hole, my parents, my sisiters, my friends..everyone. it's ridiculous.. and u know what .. when the fuck did that happen? cuz i sure as hell don't know. all i do know is that i really am an ass hole..
fuck, i guess that's what ill leave it at.. how did i get in such a bad mood.....?
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